Wednesday Weigh-In March 23, 2016

I have just been so tired and frustrated with everything going on.

I know that nothing ever comes right away but I want to see some results now! Three months almost 4 have gone by and I expect so much more from myself and when I am not on par with where I should be I get frustrated.  It makes me mad to  not see the results I want and hate myself for letting my life get this way again. I feel like I have just given up on myself, I have been eating poorly, not been going to the gym on quite a few days and just been beating myself up for wasting my own time. 

I know that results will come in time it is just frustrating as F--- and I truly hope others will someday read this and know that this struggle is something that most obese people face. The self doubt and self loathing are real and we sabotage ourselves because it is all we know how to do. We never believe in ourselves or the process enough to fully commit to the life change, at least not at first; as I recognize this issue I am trying to gain strength to persevere and push forward. Please know that nothing in life, especially this weightloss journey, comes easy; there is pain, anger, resentment, hate, and fear that builds up but I know there is also love, forgiveness, acceptance and focus if I can just push through it. 

This week coming up I plan to double my efforts; I am hoping to start to prep my dinners for the week and just try to control my situation more instead of having it control me, I will also try to increase my time on weights at the gym as building muscle will increase the rate my body burns through fat. 

I want to lose 4 to 5 pounds per week, not this 1 pound a week shit. this is very aggressive I know but I have a lot to lose and in the beginning I know I have the weight to do it with out being unhealthy. I also want some quiet time just for myself, I feel like I am being pulled in all directions and everywhere I turn I bump into a family member, a cat or a work thing, I need time and space to be me and I need to figure out how I can do that. I have always been a person who likes calm and quiet, who dislikes clutter and who like having personal space be it me and Tabitha or just me and I currently don't have it. the good thing though is this is the year of Scott Mac and I am spending this year getting out of my comfort zone and trying new things, I just need my own sanctuary though.

Anyways enough of this beating myself up and whining crap (I just needed to vent).

Here are my numbers for the last week:

SW 447

LW 427

TW 426

+/-  -1

LTD -21