It is no secret, I have really struggles this last week or so with motivation, with my weight, with everything. I have been trying to fight my way through it but it has not been easy.
I have found that the little things are building up and i am just not happy with any of it; as i try to take a look at the bigger picture I know that the little things are not the root of the issue, that frustrations life and all that comes with it are more of the root cause.
As usual I have let this stress rule me and to comfort me i make bad food choices, a chocolate bar or two here, some chips, even sneaking in some Burger King on my drive home. Then I feel mad at myself for allowing myself to make such poor decisions, causing anxiety and depression, thus just wanting to sleep. So because of that I hit snooze a dozen times thinking of excuses as to why i should not go to the gym.
It is frustrating too when you don't see the results of the work you have put in on a scale where you feel it should be. Sure I am down almost 20 pounds since January 1st but I feel I should be down more. The hiccup from the other week where I had gained water weight then I go and spend another week right back to where I was i feel like it was 2 weeks wasted since they cancelled each other out. Maybe I have watched too much biggest loser and expect to see a 7, 8 or even a double digit loss. Maybe that is over ambitious but it is how I feel on where I should be.
I guess I am just impatient wanting to see the results of where I am headed now as opposed to waiting and staying the course. Maybe I will take some measurements of my arms, chest, waist etc and use that as a progress guide as by looking in the mirror just doesn't seem to help. Having over 200 pounds to lose is a long way to go and it is difficult to visually see the changes especially if it is not showing up on the scale like I want. I have felt like my biceps are getting bigger but I have no proof until I measure.
If I was to do this journey over again, though I hope I never will have to start again where I started this time, I would definitely make a list of my measurements and do a comparison every month. I need something tangible and something I can see especially when I am not seeing it on the scale.
I will keep fighting myself to get to the gym and make better meal choices, nothing comes over night and I understand that. I am real and struggle like so many others do as well. I use this blog to vent my fears and frustrations as well as to celebrate my triumphs when they do arrive. To me, by keeping this real and honest I hope that one day if not already, someone will be inspired by the familiarity of my story and find motivation knowing that they are not alone in this struggle and that if I can do it so can they. I firmly believe that as a person we have 2 choices in how we conduct our life, A: we can follow the light that leads our way, or B: be the light to lead the way for others. for me I have followed my whole life; now I want to be that light for those with the same struggle I face.
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