As I sit here and write this I think of some Vlogs I did last summer ( not released to public) and after watching them I see and feel a big change with in me. I see that the sparkle and passion in my eyes are not the same as it is now. That fire is not lit within me yet; the words and drive is not in my voice; the switch with me has not been turned on yet.
The key to having weight-loss is within you. You have to want it more than anything, you have to believe in it and in yourself. For me something has just clicked in my opinion. My attitude has changed, I am not doing it now for others, even though I always had said I wasn't, I always said I was doing it for me; but now I truly believe it. I don't mean any offence and I do appreciate the support I get but I don't care what others say about the good job I am doing ( I never believed it before); but now I am believing in myself and the only person I am trying to please is me. Don't get me wrong I want your support and encouragement it is just that I am the only one who can do this for my own life and health and I am finally believing in myself; in the last 10 years I never really did.
Letting go of my anxiety, stress, anger, resentment, apprehension, fear of failure and just being afraid along with all other emotions that held me back and talked me out of achieving what I want has been instrumental thus far. As i said at the beginning of the year, this is my year for living without fear, to face why fears, the year of Scott Mac. I am just in the mind set of to hell with everything else, it is up to me to do this nothing and no one can stop me. If I have a fear of a set back and letting someone down by it.. oh well, this is not their life but mine. I am the one in control of it and the only person I need to answer to is myself.
I do know as long as I am me that certain people win or fail will support me, but I have needed to be my biggest supporter first, and I haven't been. I have been a poor excuse of a friend to myself and that is not who I am. I like to think I am a great friend to everyone I know, I have always been the type of person to go above and beyond for everyone and putting myself second fiddle (or third or fourth)! Well this is MY year and I am putting me first! I wake up thinking of how I will get my steps in and what healthy choices I will make today; and funny thing is, at the end of the day I think of the great healthy choices I made during the day and think of the good job in getting my steps in today and think of how i will do better tomorrow. I have not felt this way since 2004 when I had lost 160 pounds. I feel like I am back to that old self.. 12 years later I am taking those same steps again but now I am older, wiser and more determined to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I have seen the decline and slippery slope when you lose focus on yourself and you put it into other areas of your life over what is best for you. My excuse was work and pleasing people. I dived into a new job and put everything above taking care of myself and my health. I lost my focus on taking care of myself and my health and it cost me many years of health and happiness. I fell into the vicious cycle of depression because of my weight gain and turned to food as a crutch thus the cycle perpetuated upon itself and down the rabbit hole I went.
I believe this series of health tests and fears has woken me up, awoken the power with in me. Some call it the inner demon, some say it's my beast mode, there is always a term people use, but i say it is just me waking up and being a participant in my own life. I won't give it a name, it is me working and journeying to be who I really am.
I truly hope that these blogs and vlogs I put out there will one day help others to find that spark and fire from within. There is no secret to losing weight it just comes down to wanting it and going for it. Hard work will get the results you want, believe there are no miracles. I used to think if i just drink a Slimfast instead of a meal, all would be ok. I would also think, hey this bag of chips is ok because I ate salad with dinner so I must be eating healthy and now I deserve a treat. I see now that this was just fear of failing so I sabotaged myself. I set myself up for failure knowing that I would fail anyway so it was never a shock when I did fail. I accepted failure and that I was meant to be overweight. What a crock of shit.
Strength comes from within when you have the belief in yourself that your are more than the parts you see in the mirror. Strength from knowing that you will falter but you can rise above it when you pick yourself up and try harder. Failure is not failing, it is learning what works and what doesn't. When I see my failures I try to learn where I failed so I can change the results the next time I try. i try to find a way to improve on what I did to get the results I want to have. I know I will falter, and I accept that. I know i will have set backs and that is ok because each timeI will pick my self up and move forward. I will keep going until I reach that destination I want to be at; and when I get there I will fight everyday to stay there. You should too!
Everyday I am finding my journey to me, what are you doing to find yours?
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