The Contract

March 1st, 2015

Another week has gone by and the struggle continues. I don't really feel like blogging today, I am in a funk and feeling down, I didn't even want to get out of bed today but I am working at being accountable to myself and thus all of you in cyberland who read this. 

Last week I went through some blogs in search of some people who have similar stories to mine. I found some, skimmed them over and then saved them to my bookmarks for future reading; today i read one..

As I was reading this story, I realized his story is so familiar; it is a man whom has already lost the weight and continues to blog but his story echoes my own. His name is Tony, his blog is "The Anti-Jared", he is a Chef whom was at the same weight range I am currently at. His experience and thoughts are similar and I applaud his effort and hard work to get to where he is now.

After reading some of tony's stories I feel like it is contract day. by this i mean that I am going to make a contract with all of you, so here goes.

I, Scott Hamilton Macfadyen, do hereby acknowledge that my health is unacceptable, that being over 400lbs is unacceptable and I will be accountable to myself and thus all of you by logging on the interworldnetthingy my struggles, defeats and victories as I work to overcome my weight issues.

I will do this by:

1. Logging to you at least once a week 
2. Being completely honest with my struggles and choices
3. I will face my fears and anxieties that are associated with my weight and not run from the issue.
4. I invite anyone who reads this to honestly and sincerely call me out on anything they feel is questionable in my actions.

My goal is to be between 180-200 lbs and live a happy and healthy lifestyle all year round. I would love to tell you all my starting weight but I am sad to say that my scale only goes to 415lbs and i have not seen that number able to come up for a couple months so I am guessing and from this point on I will consider it to be 435lbs. ( I choose this number as I have been eating healthier since January 1st yet still have not seen this number not even briefly so i know i am not close but I feel like I am not too far from it either)

I realize nothing is overnight and this is a marathon not the 40 yard dash. I need to focus on me more and not worry so much about others as much as I do; I need to learn to love myself and take care of myself so I can truly care for and properly love others, and that is not easy for me!

I am trying to be my own motivation but I just don't know how, baby steps I know but it is just learning where to put my first foot before i go the next step. Is this the way I do not know but it is worth a try. 

Well that is it for today i think, maybe I can convince myself to go out for a walk.

Peace be to all...