On this journey of self discovery I have to review all the significant events that have helped define me and who I am. We are all a representative of what we have experienced and achieved; the good moments, the great moments and the bad / not so great moments in our life and how we reacted to them define our personality. This has shaped our way of interacting with the world and created the people we have become in the present.
Now what if I told you that what happened to you in the past and how you reacted may not actually be the truth?
No I am not drunk or off my rocker.
Imagine for a moment before we dive into it, that something that happened in your life that affected you deeply may have created a false reality that is not apart of the real you. Would you be willing to visit that moment in your life and change your reaction to it?
Let me share a personal example.
I remember when I was younger going up to my dad and asking him to change the nic name he had for me. He used to call me his little "Fatso" and I hated it, i knew it was degrading and made me feel bad for myself so I asked him to change it. My father was a good man and I know he would never do anything intentionally to hurt me or emotionally scar me but it hurt every time he called me that name, so i asked him for a change. "Slimbo" was the result, I was happy with the change but the thought that it may have been sarcasm hadn't initially set in but did over time and I resented that name too. It made me feel less than who I really was, it made me feel not worth anything, it hurt to hear the name.
Fast forward to 2003/2004 when I first journeyed into the world of self help and Dr Phil books which is when I found "Self Matters - Creating your Life from the Inside out" by Dr. Phil McGraw.
I read many of his books as I was going through self discovery and this event popped up to mind.
The reality of the nick name happened there is no denying it, but analyzing if the way it made me feel was true to who I am is where things began for me. Am i worthless? Am less than who I am? the answer is a resounding NO. I do have value and worth in this world. I am not worth less than anyone else so. So this perception and how I once believed that I was not worth anything and that my life had no value was not true. My personal memory was a lie and not true, so why keep this memory as something that defines me? It is a garbage memory and one that is not true, it is not something that truly defines me, so i decided to delete the thoughts and how it made me feel.
By doing this constantly and consistently I began to change my internal dialogue and how I truly viewed myself. I began to change the negative thinking I always had, I began to change the depression I suffered from and started to see the positive from within. I began to lose weight, I began to see my own potential, I began to live how I felt I deserved and I began to enter the world of happiness.
I follwed Dr. Phil's advice and found my authentic self, I wrote down several events in my life and questioned them to thier validity. If something was valid and true to who I am I accepted it as apart of me, if it was not true then i disregarded it and wrote out as to why it was not true to my authentic self so that I had words on paper to show my reasoning thus further impacting my beliefs by having facts to support my claims of invalidity.
It all starts from within though. You have to want to find the truth within you as there is never an easy answer that someone else can give you. Change comes from actions and from those action you can create a new perception of your own reality. By jounaling I began to changemy outlook on my life and who I am. In time we tend to forget who we are as we are swept up in the dust of daily life so we all must take that moment to step back and review where we are at. 13 years is too long for me to not have stepped back into this line of thought and pattern of living that I have created the mess I am in now, so now it is up to me to change it.
Are you living your true self?
Take this test and see:
The profile that follows will help you see the degree to which your current life experience — how you are thinking, feeling, and living — compares to what your experience would be if you were living an ideal, fully authentic, and fulfilling life. This test takes you through a three-step process.
First, you will describe your full potential by rating yourself on certain dimensions as you would be at your best.
Second, you’ll rate yourself on the same dimensions, this time as those dimensions reflect who and what you believe you really are.
Third, you will determine the percentage of difference between the two. The comparison will give you an early benchmark as to the health of your self-concept and the extent to which you are living true to yourself.
Step 1: Circle all the words that you think describe the ideal person you want to be, the person you believe is the full potential of who you are and will ever be.
pretty attractive beautiful cute nice-looking appealing cool sweet spiritual wise nice friendly faithful leader strong supportive moral ethical principled good honest decent warm loving tender warmhearted demonstrative caring kind affectionate cordial hospitable welcoming amiable cheerful passionate fiery enthusiastic zealous arrogant egocentric altruistic sympathetic humane selfless philanthropic smart dependent free gentle thoughtful domineering submissive autonomous creative compassionate self-sufficient private liberated conventional objective elegant clever stylish intelligent quick charming tidy neat thoughtful attentive careful watchful alert reliable inspired inventive resourceful ingenious productive exciting energetic lively vigorous bouncy active joyful blissful pleased ecstatic cheery sane rational sensible reasonable normal complete capable genuine inspiring proud approachable peaceful honest giving nurturing accomplished whole perfect undivided achiever great confident compassionate content humble unassuming happy satisfied comfortable at ease relaxed able knowledgeable skilled proficient expert adept rich wealthy affluent prosperous full gorgeous valuable abundant fruitful powerful deep prolific understanding dynamic useful helpful constructive beneficial positive functional worthwhile
Now count the number of words you circled in Step 1. This will be called the Total Potential Score.
________ = Total Potential Score
Step 2: Now circle the words below that describe how you actually are at present.
pretty attractive beautiful cute nice-looking appealing cool sweet spiritual wise nice friendly faithful leader strong supportive moral ethical principled good honest decent warm loving tender warmhearted demonstrative caring kind affectionate cordial hospitable welcoming amiable cheerful passionate fiery enthusiastic zealous arrogant egocentric altruistic sympathetic humane selfless philanthropic smart dependent free gentle thoughtful domineering submissive autonomous creative compassionate self-sufficient private liberated conventional objective elegant clever stylish intelligent quick charming tidy neat thoughtful attentive careful watchful alert reliable inspired inventive resourceful ingenious productive exciting energetic lively vigorous bouncy active joyful blissful pleased ecstatic cheery sane rational sensible reasonable normal complete capable genuine inspiring proud approachable peaceful honest giving nurturing accomplished whole perfect undivided achiever great confident compassionate content humble unassuming happy satisfied comfortable at ease relaxed able knowledgeable skilled proficient expert adept rich wealthy affluent prosperous full gorgeous valuable abundant fruitful powerful deep prolific understanding dynamic useful helpful constructive beneficial positive functional worthwhile
Now count the number of words you circled in Step 2. This will be called the Actual Self Score.
________ = Actual Self Score
Step 3: The Congruency Score is the percentage of words you circled in Step 2 (Actual Self Score) as compared to the total words scored in Step 1 (Total Potential Score).
If your score is 90 to 100 percent: You are operating in your full potential range most of the time, finding happiness and joy from within. You are fulfilling your mission as you see it and probably have good mental health.
If your score is 75 to 89 percent: You are in the positive range of living consistently with your authentic self. You have escaped serious damage to your personal truth. You have good self-esteem that will help you be successful.
If your score is 50 to 74 percent: You are in the positive range and have realized some good aspects of who you are. However, you are missing some important aspects, powerful strengths, and goals that are true to your authentic self. You very likely have some self-doubt and lack of self-confidence in truly appreciating your potential.
If your score is 35 to 49 percent: You are limiting yourself and using only a small part of who you really are, because you have listened to the world telling you who you are instead of being guided by an undistorted personal truth and self-concept. Much work is needed.
If your score is 1 to 34 percent: You are living in your fictional self. Your personal truth and self-concept have been seriously damaged and distorted. You are wasting precious life energy. Your power is infected with fictional concepts and your efforts are misdirected to goals that are not your own.
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