Through the eyes of an overweight person

So here we are again, discussing weight and the struggles there in.

I find it therapeutic to open up about my struggles and my efforts on this subject, it is not easy when you're a plus size person.

Everything is physically and mentally harder to do, from getting up from  sitting position to walking at pace with those who are with you to going into a gym or asking for help.

I once had asked someone I knew to help me with my journey in weight-loss; I asked them back in 2008/09 before I got married, to help me attain my goals of being more fit before the wedding. This person lived in Abbotsford and I lived in Surrey at the time and I told her that I would drive out there everyday if I had to, I would pay whatever I could if she would only help me with the tools to move forward. She is a certified trainer and I was a willing student eager to change; I sent her an email telling of my desire to change and she responded that my story made her cry and that she wanted to help me, I just had to wait until Monday and she would contact me to set up a game plan. Monday came and went.. I followed up with her a few times and have yet to hear from her other than a Facebook generic post or a Instagram saying how her and her hubby and family are eager to change lives of others and how they are on an exciting program and blah blah blah...  all I can say is actions are what counts not words.

Just recently, as in last week, I went to my local gym, the gym in which i have a membership in, Penticton Racquetball and Fitness Club, on a work related call; now as a plus size person be it work related or health related pure business etiquette should be to be welcomed when i walk through the door. ESPECIALLY when I am a plus size person, I should be made to feel welcome and encouraged to interact with others to be apart of something to extend my life and made to feel like they can help, but not here on this day.

I walked in the door and the 2 girls behind the counter glared at me almost as if to say "OMG you should not be here this place is only for good looking healthy people!" I was furious just at the looks i received from those who worked there. First of all I am a member of this club, second of all as I have spent years decades in the hospitality industry I like to think I am somewhat of an expert on customer service, sure I may have some self image issues and perhaps I was imagining it, but the truth be told, I know the sneer of a person's face when giving the look of "what the f*** are you doing here, you need to leave before i really make you feel not welcome!"
I will never go back to this place again because of this. The only acceptable way when i enter or anyone despite size age colour or gender should be a welcoming inviting smile and a "How can I help you today?"

Believe me when I say we are aware of our size. We are aware when we don't fit in an airplane seat as we should or how we are encroaching on someone's personal space when at a hockey game sitting n our season ticket holder seats. We are aware of all the young kids, and some adults, who look at us as we walk along the beach path or through the grocery store. We know, we know, we know..
It is you who does not understand how we are frustrated with ourselves, how we find it embarrassing when we struggle to tie our shoes, when we struggle to find clothes that fit and not show off our excess curves; how we struggle to accept our selves and not go in the vicious circle of frustration, self loathing, depression and turning to food as comfort and getting frustrated again at our lack of ability to stop the cycle. You do not understand until you have seen things from our perspective and how others view us. We struggle with our confidence in ourselves to change; we think: it is too hard,; it will take too long; what is the point I will just get fat again like after every other attempt; it is just safer to sit on the sidelines and watch life pass us by than to let the hurt of failure in.

Believe me no one wants to change this thinking more than me. I want to be the inspiration to others. I want to be the path to others healthy salvation by being able to say "I was in your shoes; I have been where you are and I am where you will be".  I would love to take this journey to the next level to make my transformation to the next step; lose the weight, become a trainer and help those who need it and not let cost of my service as a trainer be a hinderance. To me it seems like a lot of these young trainers now-a-days only take on this who are already relatively healthy; well i want to be the trainer that takes on the people who truly need the help and do everything I can to help them, but first I must find my own journey to me..