Spring into it..

Happy Sunday to all!

So here we are again, another week has gone by and more steps in the journey continue.

This week flew by fast, and during this time I kept my weightloss goal in mind. Though there were a couple days where the food choices may have been questionable however I tried to stay true despite the flubs.
I have felt that my clothes fit a bit better this week but it can be so disheartening looking at the bigger picture of knowing there is so much more to go. Sometimes I get lost in the thought that it is pointless. That I missed my chance when I had lost the weight before but did not have a maintenance plan in place to maintain the weight loss.
In case you did not know; in late 2003 I had decided that enough was enough, that on January 1st 2004 I would start a new life. I was inspired by Dr. Phil and his "new" show (i think that was his second or 3rd season) and i was scared when I realized that when I lay down to sleep that I could feel the pressure on my neck and thus my breathing was different.
I was living in Nimpo Lake, a world away from this one; a remote part of BC up on the Chilcotin plateau on the way to Bella Coola. I had bought the book Ultimate Weightloss Solution, began walking everyday out on the frozen lake, a half hour at first, ( a half hour in one direction before heading back) then slowly built it up to an hour (2 hours total).
I received plenty of encouragement from my employers Donn and Pyllis Irwin as well as the locals living on the lake. Over time the pounds shed, and shed quite regularly, from 3 - 7 pounds a week with the occasional 10 - 12 pounds. When I did plateau I changed up my routine and it dropped off again. within 6 months i had lost nearly 100 pounds within a year i had lost 160 pounds! At that point I was addicted to my 6 days a week exercising; addicted to my routine of healthy choices and loved my cheat day too! On cheat day I could have ANYTHING I wanted, and believe me I DID! I had potato chips and dip for breakfast with pop (diet of course!) and just whatever I wanted, and I still lost the weight! I could finally go into any store and try on a size 38/40 jeans! Holy Hell! It had been about 18 years or more since that was possible, I was a L not XL or XXL or any other letters!
I eventually moved back to the coast (skipping the dark ages story) and fully immersed myself in the world of Chef and opening up a new restaurant / pub. My focus became work and as usual I put work ahead of myself; my creative side flourished and my weight represented and reflected it. It was the start of my fall, and while I kept saying "it is just a few extra pounds, i will lose it no worries..."

 

2003

2013

 

2013

 

2009

 

2009

 

2012

 

2013

 

2007

Sorry but I don't have any pics from when I lost the weight :(

By the time I met Tabitha, I had gained almost 100 pounds again and still living in denial and yet the weight just kept coming on. Now here I am in need of losing over 50% of my body weight. I wish I hadn't wasted my efforts from before; but now here I am 10 years older, 200+ pounds heavier and struggling yet again. If when I lose this weight I realize now that its about maintaining the lifestyle, it is about changing my life from the inside out, not just mentally but physically.
As I said in a previous blog, I have so many dreams of when I lose this weight, but it all depends on changing and maintaining what I am. I want will be a golfer, a curler, a bowler, a beer league baseball player, a runner, a Disney marathoner, a swimmer, a .. whatever I want to do to be active. I am making myself a priority and in turn an inspiration to myself and hopefully one day to others. Change is never easy, the process can be hard but the results will be worth it.

2001

I truly find logging my journey and this struggle helpful. I am sure the more I continue and work through these struggles the more I will log and share, small steps to a long term goal.

 wish you all the strength to find your journey and forge the path that is meant for you; remember that I am here and going through challenges too; so if you need some motivation just know your not alone!

Blessings to you all!

This weeks journey...

Well, hello world!

So it has been about a week since my last post and I want to try to give you weekly posts; so I figured best to start with my week in review.
 It was BC Family Day last Monday and I got to spend it with my beautiful wife; then on Tuesday it was dentist time and I was thoroughly impressed with the evolution of dentistry from my previous dentist whom I had for the last 30+ years to my new dentist! Only 15 mins for dealing with a cavity.. OMG... very very impressed! The rest of the week was rather uneventful.. just work and life in general, then Valentine's Day last night.. but that is a separate post.
 This week I have been thinking a lot about my post of last week and my weightless struggles. I have felt like pressure was taken from my shoulders and though I am no where near my goal yet I feel more focused.
During the month of January Tabitha and I did a cleanse of sorts to reboot the system, it is called The Whole 30. While I do find it good it gets a bit boring after a while and the last week of it I was looking forward to having it end. I wasn't necessarily craving anything but just wanting to know I have freedom even if i screw up on something. Since February I haven't changed much, I hardly eat any carbs and have minimal amounts of dairy is the only real change. We still eat fairly clean food and we both feel better, Tab has had some amazing results, but I will let her tell you; just go to Tabitha's Blog and check out what goes on with her!
I felt this week that my clothes fit me a bit better and that my energy was good, I felt that life is ok and that I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had some flashbacks a few times of when I had lost the weight before (back in 2004-2005), and it made me positive and hopeful. I always worry about slipping and falling behind of where I want to be which is a slippery slope into depression and the vicious circle of emotional eating.
There are so many things I want to do if when I get fit again. I want to take up golf, boxing/kick boxing,  curling, running/hiking; I want to feel accomplished that I have learned something new and that this old dog has a few new tricks. I am hoping that envisioning a healthy lifestyle not just now but when i am at my goal will keep me on the paved path I need to be.

It is just about going through this overgrown forest and finding that old trail that leads to a path that ends up a gravel road that will turn into my paved journey. Small steps lead to great strides; we all trip and fall at times but it's the will to get up and continue that defines us.

How will you be defined?

Through the eyes of an overweight person

So here we are again, discussing weight and the struggles there in.

I find it therapeutic to open up about my struggles and my efforts on this subject, it is not easy when you're a plus size person.

Everything is physically and mentally harder to do, from getting up from  sitting position to walking at pace with those who are with you to going into a gym or asking for help.

I once had asked someone I knew to help me with my journey in weight-loss; I asked them back in 2008/09 before I got married, to help me attain my goals of being more fit before the wedding. This person lived in Abbotsford and I lived in Surrey at the time and I told her that I would drive out there everyday if I had to, I would pay whatever I could if she would only help me with the tools to move forward. She is a certified trainer and I was a willing student eager to change; I sent her an email telling of my desire to change and she responded that my story made her cry and that she wanted to help me, I just had to wait until Monday and she would contact me to set up a game plan. Monday came and went.. I followed up with her a few times and have yet to hear from her other than a Facebook generic post or a Instagram saying how her and her hubby and family are eager to change lives of others and how they are on an exciting program and blah blah blah...  all I can say is actions are what counts not words.

Just recently, as in last week, I went to my local gym, the gym in which i have a membership in, Penticton Racquetball and Fitness Club, on a work related call; now as a plus size person be it work related or health related pure business etiquette should be to be welcomed when i walk through the door. ESPECIALLY when I am a plus size person, I should be made to feel welcome and encouraged to interact with others to be apart of something to extend my life and made to feel like they can help, but not here on this day.

I walked in the door and the 2 girls behind the counter glared at me almost as if to say "OMG you should not be here this place is only for good looking healthy people!" I was furious just at the looks i received from those who worked there. First of all I am a member of this club, second of all as I have spent years decades in the hospitality industry I like to think I am somewhat of an expert on customer service, sure I may have some self image issues and perhaps I was imagining it, but the truth be told, I know the sneer of a person's face when giving the look of "what the f*** are you doing here, you need to leave before i really make you feel not welcome!"
I will never go back to this place again because of this. The only acceptable way when i enter or anyone despite size age colour or gender should be a welcoming inviting smile and a "How can I help you today?"

Believe me when I say we are aware of our size. We are aware when we don't fit in an airplane seat as we should or how we are encroaching on someone's personal space when at a hockey game sitting n our season ticket holder seats. We are aware of all the young kids, and some adults, who look at us as we walk along the beach path or through the grocery store. We know, we know, we know..
It is you who does not understand how we are frustrated with ourselves, how we find it embarrassing when we struggle to tie our shoes, when we struggle to find clothes that fit and not show off our excess curves; how we struggle to accept our selves and not go in the vicious circle of frustration, self loathing, depression and turning to food as comfort and getting frustrated again at our lack of ability to stop the cycle. You do not understand until you have seen things from our perspective and how others view us. We struggle with our confidence in ourselves to change; we think: it is too hard,; it will take too long; what is the point I will just get fat again like after every other attempt; it is just safer to sit on the sidelines and watch life pass us by than to let the hurt of failure in.

Believe me no one wants to change this thinking more than me. I want to be the inspiration to others. I want to be the path to others healthy salvation by being able to say "I was in your shoes; I have been where you are and I am where you will be".  I would love to take this journey to the next level to make my transformation to the next step; lose the weight, become a trainer and help those who need it and not let cost of my service as a trainer be a hinderance. To me it seems like a lot of these young trainers now-a-days only take on this who are already relatively healthy; well i want to be the trainer that takes on the people who truly need the help and do everything I can to help them, but first I must find my own journey to me..

A new beginning....

Hi everyone!

It is me, Scott aka "MaCruzLvr"..
I have decided to start over and start fresh with a new blog.
I felt that my old bloggy thing wasn't quite right. Whilst I did get some thoughts out it just didn't have the right fit. I guess I used my wife, Tabitha,'s blog (Coffee, Wine and Wanderlust) as inspiration on fine tuning.
So I will begin again from the start.
I have a beautiful wife who inspires me with her love and patience.
I have a loving and supportive family whom I love very much!
I often think and wonder what impact I can do to make the world a better place.
I am overweight morbid obese, there i said it... and have some serious struggles in working to overcome this mental trap.
I love to travel with my wife; to see new places, try new things and taste new culinary flavours. (we just booked our next cruise to the Caribbean! - this will be the 3rd Caribbean Cruise in a row and we have yet to double up on destination ports!). I know this last part with the culinary tasting can be a bit counter-productive with losing weight but hey I am a "retired" chef. Why the quotes you may ask? Well, I hung up my apron over 2 years ago to go in to food equipment sales, so that I would have a chance to see my wife, live a more normal of a life and to stop living in a burned out and stressed out life.

As it is a new year now and we all have those New Year's Revolutionythingamagigs to self improvement I actually decided not to do one... sort of. Let me explain:

Every year it seems that everyone makes them then breaks them. That "we all" commit to improving what we are and how we do it and for the first 7 days its great.. then we start to trail off.  Well late last year...  September/October i decided that I want to start making some life changes now and not put all the stress on one particular month. I have made some conscious choices from then to do some minor choices on certain aspects of my life, so by the time New Years came I was already going on what others claim to be a "New Year New Me" attitude.
One of the first things I did was cut down on my carbs intake, this has made me feel less bloated and provided a bit more energy to do things. Both Tabitha and I have refined some of our eating habits; we started this summer doing some canning and plan on increase the amount of canning this year so that we control what it is we put into our bodies. It is all baby steps but steps in the right direction. We joined a local gym that had a buy 3 months get the 4th free and started doing some regular trips to the gym, now this has gone by the way side and we haven't been going; more to this later.

That is it for now...

Peace and love to you all!