By the Numbers

So here we are in March, and I know I said that I would weigh myself officially this month to see my progress but...

The closer I get to the middle of the month the more standoffish I have become towards my weight. I don't want a number to define me nor will it, I have unofficially weighed myself and the numbers are definitely less than where I once was, am I where I want to be right now,? NO, am I proud of my accomplishment so far?, HECK YEAH!

I still struggle with consistency and building a routine to get back into the daily life that I want and am working on. I, much like a lot of others, have struggled with consistency in going to the gym and it is one of my main focuses. Yes, I put myself through the 21 day challenge to go to the gym, after 10 days  straight I took a day off then started a routine of one day off a week. I did this for about 5 weeks, then life got in the way. I would feel sick one day and skip a day, or I would just be up too late the night before and skip the next morning workout, then I would tweak a muscle in my lower back and skip a few more days. 

These are not excuses, I should find the time no matter what if I believe myself to be worth the effort, and I usually do believe in myself to be worth it. Sure I have down days like everyone else, and I know those days are the days I need to go the most. I have felt guilty every time I did not go to the gym when I knew I should of, I also feel guilty not being apart of a normal life, after all who the hell wants to get up at 3am to go to the gym?

I am working to find that work/life healthy balance, and at times I feel like I sacrifice the part of going to the gym to do something else. I want to be able to stay awake long enough to curl up with my wife and see a movie at 8pm and not be falling asleep. I want to be awake and conscious when my wife and I decide to go out and see a comedy show at the pub and not feel like I am struggling to stay awake until 9pm when the main act comes on.

At the same time I love the fact that I can Leg Press 700 lbs, that I can do nearly 200 lbs in Pectoral Flys or 200 lbs in Seated and Low Rows. I love pushing myself to see where I am at and what more I can do, it can be quite addicting when you realize what your body is truly capable of when you push yourself. I also love the feeling and love noticing changes in my body; feeling and seeing my shoulders and arms get bigger is quite the narcissistic thing to do but I'm not doing it in a negative way but more of a recognizing an accomplishment. I am achieving. 

Wrestling with Weakness and Self Doubt

This past month or so I have had a few people tell me I inspire them; it is very humbling to be told this. While I appreciate the compliment that I inspire people (and I am very glad that I do that for others), I can't help but feel that I am not in a place mentally to be ready for that inspiration for others.

I am not trying to change people's minds or anything, it is just that I don't see being an inspiration in myself enough right now. I know I have lost some weight but could I have lost more, yes; do I still struggle with food and nutrition, yes; do I still struggle with the will to exercise daily, yes (although this struggle is weakening).

My belief in myself and in this journey, for me, is just starting to grow, and while my efforts in a cleaner and healthier living has been getting stronger, I falter with some indiscretions: I still find myself snacking on the wrong things at times, I take it easy on my workouts at times (I know I don't always give it my full effort), I still struggle with trying to understand and conform to the food macros I need to be at ( I need to cut back on my carbs).

 I know life is full of struggles and I am sure I represent the average  problems and struggles of and overweight person, so in that respect I am happy that I am connecting with people and they can associate my struggles with theirs. That is the purpose of this blog for others to realize they are not alone in the struggle, it is just weird though to have someone say that my efforts inspire them.

We all have to start somewhere, we all have a struggle we deal with, we all have a weakness we try to improve; this is how we grow as an individual, by working on what limits us. I am no different as I am on this journey for change and growth as I want to be much more than I feel I am. I need to change my mental state and am working on the self belief.

I am very glad and honoured to be an inspiration to others, I am just trying to be an inspiration to myself most days. It is an innate feeling and action to expect more from myself and I am learning to find that balance of expectation and reality but it is hard right now for me to give myself praise of effort when I have so much farther to go and do not have the results I am looking for.

I know I must stay positive and focus on my successes as the rest will come in time.

I am proud at my streak of food logging for nearly 60 some days straight.
I am proud of my actions of going to the gym for at least 5 days a week for nearly 60 some days.
I am proud to see my results in strength building when lifting weights (leg press of nearly 700 lbs is mind blowing to me!)
I am proud of myself for continuing to commit to changing my health for the better.

I have said time and time again that the biggest enemy in this fight for my health and life is my mental status. My self doubt and  self defeatist negativity will fight me every step of the way, it is natural for overweight people to fear failure the closer we get to success so we self sabotage. We set our selves up for failure before we have an opportunity to experience success because we have accepted failure for so long already in our lives. We fear the disappointment from others, we fear the feelings of letting ourselves down and others, and when we fear, or at least when I do, I eat to suppress my fear.

The "Year of Scott Mac 2107" is all about me facing my fears head on, to open up and discuss the fears, to let others who have similar struggles know they are not alone. By discussing these fears and writing them down I hope to understand and analyze them to then be able to change my view of these fears. When you recognize and identify the problem it is easier to resolve the problem because it is defined, the problem has parameters and a clear definition which can then be resolved.

As discussed before, I try to analyze each fear and thought as if it is a personal truth or if it is not; when it is not I debunk the thought with facts and destroy the thought so that it has no justification to permeate my thinking and reasoning, thus crushing the self doubt it creates.

Let's do this thought process together now...

Thought: "I am not an inspiration to anyone nor should I be"

Support of or denial of truth: Denial

Reasoning: I have accomplished a lot of things that other overweight people have been unable to do.I have been an active member of a gym for nearly a year (would be over a year if not for a car accident). I have made healthier eating and purposeful exercise apart of my daily life. I have consistently pushed myself to be better in thoughts and actions.

Result: I am an inspiration to others who see my efforts to change who I once was to whom I am trying to be someday. While I do struggle I still achieve results and others who struggle can see that if I can struggle and push through and still achieve then I am a reason for inspiring others who also struggle.

Love in a Jar.. Home canning for a Health and Cost Savings

I love canning. I know I am a weirdo because of it but I can't deny that the thought of canning tomatoes and tomato sauce to have for the long cold winter months to me is nothing but beauty. I love seeing our pantry full of home made relatively healthy creations for use and for cost savings. 

Over the last few years we have built up our canning jar collection by purchasing more and more cases of jars, I think the last year we purchased another 6 dozen alone. And every year we (I) can a wider variety of items, this year I canned applesauce, apple butter, peach butter, tomato sauce and peaches. I was going to do salsa again this year but with battling my post concussion symptoms I was absolutely drained and did not have the energy to continue on. 

Living in the beautiful Okanagan we have a variety of fresh local fruit and produce readily available throughout the summer and fall months and I like to fully take advantage of it. I have broken it down in cost (not including initial investment of jars and water canner) that one 1 litre jar (1 quart - for my American friends)that it costs me approximately $1.30 for a jar of tomato sauce opposed to the $4.00 at the big corporate stores in the neighborhood such as IGA, Real Canadian Superstore or Safeway. Not only is there cost savings but I can proudly pronounce all the ingredients in the jar and don't have to worry about chemicals and preservatives that are questionable. 

I take pride in the food quality that we make and store in our house; and no matter how much we make it never seems to be enough! Here we are in March and we are over half way through our Tomato Sauce. Tabitha's goal is to have enough Tomato sauce to last until we start canning again in the summer, I think we will be close but come up just short. Our Peaches, apple and peach butter and apple sauce stock is fine, I made the butters for cooking purposes as I thought it would be nice to have some for random creations; the peaches and apple sauce are mainly for mom as she loves them so I believe they should last until next canning session. 

I am hoping to get a big pressure cooker/canner so I can do up some vegetables and other creations this year. By being proactive with canning and combining it with a healthier living standard it makes for a more controlled calorie intake when you know exactly what is in the food as you make the final creation. To me it only makes sense to look at home canning as an alternative for healthy food options. Granted that you basically have to be a slave to the kitchen for a full day of prepping cooking and canning in the end it is worth it. 

I know people can find canning to be overwhelming and quite daunting if they have never done it before, believe me I know this as I was one of them, When I was younger I used to help my parents prep the food for canning but they did the actual canning. I was the one who descaled cleaned and cut up the salmon and  then added salt and water to the jars; or who peeled tomatoes or peaches for stuffing into jars but never did I get involved with putting it on the stove and in the cooker. I was usually told to stay away from the kitchen when the pressure cooker was on or when mom was removing the jars from the water bath, purely for safety sake I am sure. So when I decided to start canning I felt a bit overwhelmed at not wanting to screw up and poison people with in correct practices or steps; but after a few  batches my first time doing a water bath I have no qualms about it. 

Canning is a simple and easy process to go through and with thousands of recipes and youtube videos of how tos and recipes to help guide you and calm your doubts it is an easy process that anyone can do. Don't let the thoughts of being too much or the scare of botulism deter you from being successful in providing a healthy source of food for the cold winter months. Yes I know that fresh is always best but it is good to have a realistic alternative when prices keep going up and costs can be crazy; and when you control the quality of the canned goods you can gain confidence in knowing that what you have made and stored will be suitable to a healthier living life. 

Cheffy's Kitchen Presents ... Mushroom Chicken

Today I would like to introduce you to a modified favorite in my household. this recipe I revamped from a restaurant I used to work at and changed it slightly so it is a healthier option.

Mushroom Chicken

What you will need is:

4 each chicken breasts skinless - 6 oz each  (approximately)

2 cups sliced mushrooms

1 onion large sliced 

2 tbsp olive oil

6 oz chicken stock

1/2 tsp garlic minced

1 can organic coconut milk

Salt & Pepper

Heat up large frying pan or sauce pan with oil. (using a hot fry pan is always best to sear and lock in flavour of food when cooking). When oil starts to smoke gently place Chicken breast skin side down (smooth shiny side) in pan laying breast away from you so as not to splatter oil on you and risk injury. Season lightly with salt and pepper.

When brown on skin side turn chicken to cook other side, add garlic, mushrooms and onions then and chicken stock. Cook until onions are translucent and mushrooms partially cooked then add can of coconut milk and reseason with salt and pepper. (whenever you add a new ingredient to a dish when cooking you must re-season, that is unless you over seasoned earlier, this is also why you should always taste everything when cooking). Cover pan and reduce heat to medium and sauce. After 5 mins check the thickest part of the thickest breast, if fully cooked uncover and turn up heat until sauce is reduced to a gravy type thickness. 

Serves 4 at 485 calories per serving

I suggest serve with cauliflower mash and steamed asparagus.

ENJOY!

Slow Cooker Love

I must say that in my house we love our slow cooker. Quite often we are making delicious healthy meals in the cooker while we work and it is so awesome to come home to a nice hot meal and not have to worry about cooking.

I was telling Tabitha for years that I wanted a slow cooker and she balked at the idea. she did not want a piece of equipment that we would hardly use taking up space on the counter. Little did she realize she is probably a bigger user of it than me! Quite often Tabitha will spend a Saturday or Sunday (sometimes both) making different meals for the week with it. 

With our Crock Pot we typically make:

Vegetarian Chili

Pea Soup

Pulled Pork

Roast beef

Beef Dip

Sweet and Sour Pork (not healthy )

Beef Stew

Mexican Chicken

Turkey Chili 

I am always looking to explore new recipes or new ideas for these cold wintery days we have been seeing as of late. 

Building Confidence from Accomplishment.

I have been working on my mindset alot so far this year and the other day I really noticed the difference. Instead of giving up on the treadmill after 45 mins I pushed through to 60 mins because I believed in myself and my ability to do it. 

The same confidence happened with doing my leg press; I started with 360lbs, then went to 450lbs and did both sets with relative ease so I decided to up it to 590 lbs. For a brief moment I was thinking that this was too much for me to do, then I said to myself "No, I can do this!". So i got into position, set my feet in place and did one set of 10 reps. I felt ecstatic about the accomplishment, my legs felt good and confident and I feel like I could have done more but though I would take my time and continue to build my strength.

For so long I have been giving up on myself and taken the easy way out when it comes to pushing myself, but everyday I am pushing myself, recognizing my successes, and growing confidence in myself and my ability. Little by little chipping away at the stone facade of who I thought I was to reveal the person I am and although the final creation is a ways off I can start to see the sculpture underneath. 

I have noticed this change in my neck and face, I have noticed it in my arms and shoulders as I can feel and see them grow and I notice it in my power and strength. I notice these changes and my mindset when it comes to pushing myself and the want of doing better than the day before. I notice the changes when it comes to a rest day I feel guilty about not getting my steps in or hitting some weights. 

I know that it will still take some time to see it in other areas but it will get there, it is a slow process and I must give it time to work. As I recall when I went through this all before in 2004, once the weight started to come off it just started to melt away non stop that even on rest days I would lose weight. I will get there again, I truly believe it.

I feel different from last year when I started this journey (before the accident), and I have to say that in my mind it was doing the 21+ day challenge I gave myself. For 21 days no matter what was going on I pushed myself to go to the gym (of course I would only take 1 day off as a rest day). During the late part of the second week of the challenge I noticed that I was starting to get motivated to go to the gym, I would look forward to going in the morning, I would have more energy throughout the day, I would feel accomplished in doing something with my day before I got to work at 8am. I would feel that I am the king and conqueror of my little world and when at the gym no one could stop me.  

I had an email conversation with Obi-wan Kelsey as she was asking for an update on my progress this year and I told her of what i have been doing. I told her about my self challenge, about upping my cardio to 1 hour and then at least 30 mins on weights. I told her that I am pushing myself on the weights and am increasing the weight as to not get complacent and to build my strength. I told Kelsey about my research into my body type of endomorph and focusing on the nutrition and exercise an endomorph requires and that I am following that plan.  After telling Kelsey all this she let me know that it was a great idea and that she was happy and thrilled with my progress and that she could not have told me better herself!

I am very proud of the progress so far; I was one of those people who would go through the motions of belief while I knew I would cave in later down the road. I was the prototypical fat guy who would do an half assed effort and then give up. The key words being WAS. 

Now I am feeling confident I got this, I feel confident that I am going to surprise people a year from now at my progress. I am confident that the light at the end of the tunnel is not a headlamp of an oncoming train, but rather that of the brighter future I will have. 

Doing the Whole 30 and figuring myself out.

So every for the past four years, January my wife and I start the year off doing The Whole 30 Meal Plan. My wife seems to always have great results, me not so much, though I have to admit I don't go as full on with the plan as she does as she usually does the Vegetarian version and I modify it to the non vegetarian version so I can have some protein / meat. Now I do realize that changing the plan will get different results but I typically lose maybe 4 or 5 pounds and Tabitha usually ends up with around 20lbs loss. To me this does not seem right so I am now starting to focus on my nutrients and the balance I am getting so I can understand fully what is working and what is not. 

The Whole 30, in brief, is eating clean food and avoiding dairy and carbs for 30 days; there is more to it but that is the gist of it. 

The first time we tried it I wasn't too much of a fan but I did it to support my wife. She made most of the meals as she was more familiar with what we could and could not have. There was a lot of spaghetti squash and vegetarian chili; which is good but it was quite a few times a week and got boring fast. 

Over time we did The Whole 30 maybe twice a year and with that I started to take more of an interest in making the meals as i used it as an opportunity to teach myself more vegetarian cuisine as well as learn a more healthy style of cooking. For me it was a bit bumpy at first as the chef in me was constantly wanting to add certain things to elevate the meals but couldn't because of they were not Whole 30 approved. Oh the frustration! 

Here we are now though and I feel confident when making a meal that needs to be whole 30 approved, vegetarian or not, and make it rich and flavourful and healthy. this last little while I have made Lasagna, Roast dinners, Meatloafs, Stirfrys, basically anything we would eat any given time when not on the plan. Tabitha and I are so set on the quality of the meals that we now regularly add these meals into our weekly meal plans when not on the Whole 30. 

I am quite happy with making the meals that are healthier and tastier that don't make me feel bloated and miserable. Damn carbs! And while I am lactose intolerant it is great to have experimented with some soya "cheese loaf", though it will never replace a smoked gouda or Caciocavallo cheese it is nice to have options that taste good.

Now again as disappointing as it has been to not have the results Tabitha gets, I have been focusing for the last month or so on logging all my meals, logging my exercise and researching my nutrients required to sustain me properly. I truly believe that this year my research and efforts will pay off as my exercise routine has been very stable so far and my meals have been spot on to where it should be so the results should come. 

I have focused a lot on upping my protein intake which helps with late morning and mid afternoon cravings. I typically have a protein shake right after my workout then again in late morning and mid/late afternoons when my cravings are at the tipping point. I have also been focusing on which fats I am eating (lots of avocado - and I never used to like it too!) and limiting my carbs. the protein will help build my muscle mass and in theory my body will burn more fat for using up as energy. Combining this with a good solid workout 5 to 6 days a week ( at least) I should see results in the near future that will truly show the direction I am going.

I know as I restructure my habits and my caloric intake my body is going through an adjustment period. This period has always bothered me as I know the efforts I would put in during past trials and failures and the weight loss is just not where I want it to be. Disappointment would step in and a cycle of falling off the wagon would commence, so this time around I have decided to only weigh myself ever 2 or 3 months, my next weigh in is in March. I have also decided to start taking measurements of key body parts; my neck, arms, chest, waist, calves, and thighs. I believe this will give a better representation of the changes that will be made and while I may not lose the weight I think I should I would be able to see the progress of where I am at better. For some reason I keep forgetting to take measurements though ( hopefully by the time this is posted it will be done!).

Cheffy's Kitchen Presents ... Zucchini Lasagna

So here is my first recipe post; I wanted to do something that I truly loved and thought was pretty incredible tasting.

Zucchini Lasagna 

It is more of a traditional style lasagna with a twist of Zucchini Slices instead of pasta. this helps drastically cut down the calories; as well we used soy cheese products as we were in the midst of doing the Whole 30 meal plan.

What you need is:

1 pound of Extra Lean Ground Beef

1 pound of Italian Sausage (we used Spicy but it is up to you)

1 tbsp garlic minced

2 large onion -diced

2 medium size sweet bell peppers - diced

2 cups mushrooms - sliced

Salt & pepper

In a hot large pot saute all ingredients together until meat is well cooked. Drain excess fat but do not rinse.

Add: 

1 litre of home made pasta sauce (or your preferred brand just try to minimize brands with lots of additives you cant pronounce or don"t sound natural)

Taste and reseason with salt and pepper if necessary. (feel free to add some spice if you like)

Set on med/low heat stirring occasionally.

Pre heat oven to 425F

3 zucchini large - sliced 1/4" thick length wise

brush lightly with Olive oil and place on George Foreman grill (or pan sear in hot fry pan) and grill lightly for about 2 mins. You just want to have the zucchini sweating but not fully cooked.

Layer warm zucchini on bottom of baking dish. add layer of fresh baby spinach leaves, then add a layer of hot meat/sauce mix then repeat this process until you reach final layer. 

Grate 1 brick of Soya "mozzarella" loaf and cover top of lasagna bake approximately 10 mins then turn on broiler in oven and cook for another 5 mins. Remove from oven and let sit for 5 mins (good time to clean up and dishes you haven't cleaned already)

Serves 8 (excellent as left overs for lunches!)

446 calories per serving

ENJOY!

On the 7th day he rested... and built up his muscles!

REST DAYS ...

and muscle building

I am into my second week of my 21 days straight and I am doing well and feeling good. I feel like my arms and shoulders are getting bigger. I have been pushing myself to go a bit longer and do an extra set or a bit more weight when I am feeling good and comfortable with what I am already doing. I am trying to get out of comfort zone by doing a bit extra, in terms of weight and reps in order to see improvements in my strength. I am also increasing my protein intake to help with building muscles that burn fat, a big factor for me and my weight; I am also using one day a week, Sundays, to use it as a rest day. 

It is very important to make sure that I have at least one day to rest a week during this building of a new habit as to give my body a chance to take proper advantage of the restructuring it is going under. When working with weights you are actually creating little tears in your muscles which  heal during rest and the rest and heal process makes you stronger and builds the muscles. 

It was tough for me to take the day off this past Sunday, I was feeling guilty of not being at the gym but I knew I needed a rest day to help assist the process I was going under. I made sure to keep my calories in line by use of the app MyFitnessPal (available in the google play store or apple app store ).  

I have been actively reading sources for as much information I can on nutrition and rest days as I want to make sure I am doing everything right. I can never say enough about how much helpful information there is out in the web-universe and it has been so helpful. I am not wanting to be the bodybuilder type or sports god body type I just want to work on better habits and work on the body I have for my frame. I have always had strong legs and always considered myself a workhorse when it comes to powering through weights; granted, I am definitely seeing things clearer now then when I first started when it comes to where my specific strength really lies. 

By utilizing these rest days I notice afterwards that my strength in the weaker areas I have shows some improvement. I am also working on specific areas now, instead of working on several areas per trip to the gym I am now focusing on individual areas such as legs, arms and shoulders, chest and back, as well as my usual treadmill, wall squats, calf raises and side to sides.

I like/hate the cardio part, as it is a good way to get my heart rate going and getting it in the fat burning zone before hitting the weights. I like it because I feel good after I have done it and I feel accomplished, but I hate it as I feel like it just takes up too much time and where I could be on the weights, that and it is boring as hell especially when the TV monitors are set to something boring (such as today it was "Mansbridge One on ONE on CBC) and of course there is no TV remote available at 4am as the gym doesn't open to  the non FOB pass people until 7am. If  sports highlights are on I can just go for 30 mins or more pretty easily (lately it has been 40 mins; but if sports aren't on, which most of the time it is by the way, I keep telling myself 3 more songs. I equate 3 more songs to 10 mins of music/walking, I seem to be more conscious of my knees hips and legs more when I am not enthralled in a visual I am interested in while on the treadmill. 

I am starting to look forward to the next workout even after I finish the last one, I hope this continues. I am just going to keep pushing myself to stay to this routine until the 21 days are up and then see how I cam doing and either keep working out 6 days a week or possibly go down to 5 days where in theory I would take Wednesdays and Sundays off but I am not sure about that as I am determined to achieve a few certain goals this year by the time I leave for my cruise in December. 

The one thing I do wish for is for a work out partner for 4 ams, I would ask my brother in law but he does cross fit at another gym and I don't think he would want to leave that and join a different place. Oh well, I need to do it on my own anyways; I got myself into this mess I have to dig myself out of it.