Building Confidence from Accomplishment.

I have been working on my mindset alot so far this year and the other day I really noticed the difference. Instead of giving up on the treadmill after 45 mins I pushed through to 60 mins because I believed in myself and my ability to do it. 

The same confidence happened with doing my leg press; I started with 360lbs, then went to 450lbs and did both sets with relative ease so I decided to up it to 590 lbs. For a brief moment I was thinking that this was too much for me to do, then I said to myself "No, I can do this!". So i got into position, set my feet in place and did one set of 10 reps. I felt ecstatic about the accomplishment, my legs felt good and confident and I feel like I could have done more but though I would take my time and continue to build my strength.

For so long I have been giving up on myself and taken the easy way out when it comes to pushing myself, but everyday I am pushing myself, recognizing my successes, and growing confidence in myself and my ability. Little by little chipping away at the stone facade of who I thought I was to reveal the person I am and although the final creation is a ways off I can start to see the sculpture underneath. 

I have noticed this change in my neck and face, I have noticed it in my arms and shoulders as I can feel and see them grow and I notice it in my power and strength. I notice these changes and my mindset when it comes to pushing myself and the want of doing better than the day before. I notice the changes when it comes to a rest day I feel guilty about not getting my steps in or hitting some weights. 

I know that it will still take some time to see it in other areas but it will get there, it is a slow process and I must give it time to work. As I recall when I went through this all before in 2004, once the weight started to come off it just started to melt away non stop that even on rest days I would lose weight. I will get there again, I truly believe it.

I feel different from last year when I started this journey (before the accident), and I have to say that in my mind it was doing the 21+ day challenge I gave myself. For 21 days no matter what was going on I pushed myself to go to the gym (of course I would only take 1 day off as a rest day). During the late part of the second week of the challenge I noticed that I was starting to get motivated to go to the gym, I would look forward to going in the morning, I would have more energy throughout the day, I would feel accomplished in doing something with my day before I got to work at 8am. I would feel that I am the king and conqueror of my little world and when at the gym no one could stop me.  

I had an email conversation with Obi-wan Kelsey as she was asking for an update on my progress this year and I told her of what i have been doing. I told her about my self challenge, about upping my cardio to 1 hour and then at least 30 mins on weights. I told her that I am pushing myself on the weights and am increasing the weight as to not get complacent and to build my strength. I told Kelsey about my research into my body type of endomorph and focusing on the nutrition and exercise an endomorph requires and that I am following that plan.  After telling Kelsey all this she let me know that it was a great idea and that she was happy and thrilled with my progress and that she could not have told me better herself!

I am very proud of the progress so far; I was one of those people who would go through the motions of belief while I knew I would cave in later down the road. I was the prototypical fat guy who would do an half assed effort and then give up. The key words being WAS. 

Now I am feeling confident I got this, I feel confident that I am going to surprise people a year from now at my progress. I am confident that the light at the end of the tunnel is not a headlamp of an oncoming train, but rather that of the brighter future I will have.