Everyone's journey leads to different paths, and these paths always reach cross roads to which decisions must be made. For good or bad and lack of information of what lies ahead we must make a choice on each cross road we encounter.
There comes a point on this path when we realize do we continue on this path even though it has led me to some not so great events but I have covered so much ground, do I really want to forgo it all and give up on what I have done thus far? Or, we decide that this path I am on is filled with crap and I want a fresh start and new perspective because this path has led me to where I am at now?
This is not just about a weightloss journey but also about life in general, we need to assess each path we take on this journey and decide if we will continue on the path we are on despite it being good or bad or if we will try something less ventured and not be afraid to switch it up at a moments notice.
For me I feel like I am at a crossroads in many areas of my life; clearly the paths I have taken on this journey have not been as fortuitous as I would have liked yet it has not all been thorny trails and grey skies. I am always saying and trying to view everything as having the right thinking and working at fixing what is broken. That is the beauty of taking an active part in your own journey though, you can change paths, you can reroute yourself and alter the crossroads you come across; you don't have to be defined by every step or choice you make,
And although sometimes I feel like I am too old to change the journey or to go back to a crossroad and explore a new route the truth is as long as I can put one foot forward in front of the other I can never be to old to try, never to old to change the journey I am in.
Sure I get frustrated with my progress some days, or beat myself up when I miss a day or more at the gym in a week. It is natural to falter when on new paths or go back to a path that was easy and comfortable. The struggle to forge ahead on something new is a heavy challenge that fills you with doubt and to stay on the path you must forgo fear and anxiety about the what ifs and whys. I struggle with this doubt a lot; I struggle to gain confidence in what I do despite accomplishments. I struggle with staying on the path when the path well travelled is right there and easy to take. I struggle with keeping myself accountable for my health.
What I can say is when I struggle with the doubt of which path to take, or to forge a new one, I think about it long and hard, I see the positives and negatives on both sides and usually what happens is I get pissed off. I get so pissed off that I end up saying "F---- This!" and go blazing across a new path not letting anyone stop me until I reach where I want to be. To me it is realizing that you are letting a moment control you and letting the self doubt win, letting the safe route be the way to go, letting your emotions of safety and security be what controls you; then realizing that the true power is within me and not caring what others think.
I remember in JR High I felt ostracized, I felt like I just did not fit in anywhere, I was over-weight, I was a weirdo, I was shy and awkward, I struggled. One day it just popped into my head, "who cares what others think or where I fit in,?"; from that moment on I didn't care about where I fit in or how I fit in with life of a teenager. I knew I would likely never have any real bonds with anyone from JR high or high school, I would not let those thoughts and feelings of being an outcast control me and that my life was not yet defined.
Once that moment was defined for me my grades improved, my attitude improved and I felt like I could not be stopped. The same in my work career, I came to a point where I realized I was someone else's pawn and puppet. When I realized this I took control of my situation, i got mad at myself and then strived to come out from that shadow, to not be a pawn, to not be someone who will be walked on and been made into the sacrificial lamb at others expense. I pushed and forged my way to break out from that mold, I rose to the occasion of being the "go to" guy the leader others turned to when needed.
Now for me, the point of this blog today is realizing yet again that this path is in front of me and I am starting to get mad at having put myself in that situation. I am unsure as to when the anger at the situation will come out but I can guarantee you it is coming and this Phoenix will rise from the ashes and a new path will be blazed from the fire inside of me.
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